Reflections on the A-Z Blogging Challenge

i saw tonight (it being May 1 as of this writing) that Arlee Bird over at Tossing It Out has asked that participants of the A-Z Challenge do a reflections post, so i thought i'd play along.


i didn't really have any expectations of the challenge. i first heard about it through my dear friend Barb over at her blog, Black Ink Pad, and thinking that i really ought to write more and keep my blog up to date, i just jumped in without thinking it over much. i told myself i had to stick with it, and i did. i sort of cheated on O and X, but i'm not about to beat myself up over it.


i didn't give much thought to gaining followers, but i'm happy to say i did. i don't strive to have a huge number to display, but it's awesome to know people would want to hear what i have to say. i talk to myself, a lot, so blogging can sometimes feel a bit like that without knowing there's someone on the other side, listening.


Another positive outcome was feeling the old writer in me awaken. That feels very, very good. (i wonder if i'd talk less the more i wrote...hmm. My family might appreciate that.) i originally began this blog as a way to mainly showcase my art projects, but i've enjoyed its evolution. While art is still my main focus here, its also satisfying to delve a little deeper. i hope my readers have enjoyed the journey thus far, and are interested enough to stay to see what's around the corner.


My only disappointment in the challenge is not taking more time to read more of the blogs of other participants, but i plan to try and search out my fellow players more as time allows this week. Many thanks to all who took the time to stop here and read, and to those who chose to follow after doing so.

Will i do it again next year? If i have the time, i just might. But that doesn't mean X will be any easier. Of course, i've got a year to come up with something.

New look...

i have been meaning to do a bit of remodeling here for a very long time. i'd say it was way overdue. i had a basic idea of what i wanted my blog to look like, but getting there was a bit of a struggle. As i write this, i have just finished tweaking the last bits, and the changes you see took me hours to accomplish. But, with the help of Gimp and my very patient better half, i managed to come up with something i'm pretty happy with. i may change the background and header to match the seasons, or just on a whim, and i think i could improve on this, but it's a good start, and certainly better than the previous (bland) layout.

And now, i'm off for some well deserved sleep.

Z is for Zach.

This letter may have been the easiest of all, for me. Z is for my creative, intelligent, hilarious and unique son, Zacharius. He is 11, and my only child.

i gave birth to Zach after suffering with a deep depression for 2 years straight. After he came into this world, the fog in my head lifted, and i devoted myself to him completely. He was an observant and very happy baby, though it wasn't long before i saw signs that depression and anxiety seemed to be in his future as well. i guess that's to be expected, considering my own battles.

The road has not always been easy or free of hazards. Being a parent has been the most difficult thing i've ever done. Also the most gratifying, yes, but don't let anyone tell you it's all peaches and cream, because it just isn't. When once my decisions could only harm or benefit me, i must now consider, with every step i take, the impact it will have on him. i wouldn't change any of it, and he has given my life so much joy and laughter and purpose, but there are also dark days when i have no idea what step to take next. It's all worth it, of course, and i am more than grateful to have such an amazing person in my life, and to count that person as my own flesh and blood.

My son: the reader, the comedian, the history buff, the dreamer. i was blessed the day he came into this world, and hope beyond hope i can do right by him. For in the end, being his mom is the most important role i will ever have. i love you beyond all words, Z. You are my heart.

Y is for yesterday.

How many yesterdays make up a life? So many memories, millions of moments, many forgotten, some treasured, some changed by the mind over time, some burned in, some devestating, some beautiful, some mundane but stick with you, for no apparent reason, some life-changing. It's hard to capture the truth of a moment on film, but sometimes you get lucky.



These are just a few moments i was reliving today while skimming the pages of one of my photo albums. So many yesterdays that brought us to today, this moment. So much to treasure, yesterday, today and tomorrow.



XOXO

Hugs and kisses, because i am completely stumped with x. i have higher hopes for y. See you tomorrow, then.

W is for Watts.

Not long ago, my brother pointed me in the direction of Alan Watts, and i'm so glad he did. i'm including a few videos here of some of his speaking engagements. So much of what he says rings very true with me. So, grab a cup of your favorite beverage, sit back and enjoy!

See behind the veil.

Veil (n.) A cover; disguise; a mask; a pretense.

There are many things in this world hidden behind a veil. For a multitude of reasons, often fear, people hide parts of themselves from others. We fear someone may not like what they see and may ridicule or alienate us, and most everyone yearns to feel they belong somewhere. Our own government hides behind pretenses, to keep us uninformed and controllable. That's not conspiracy theory; you're kidding yourself if you think they tell us everything.

i can understand sometimes feeling the need to keep a part of yourself tucked away, safe from mocking and misunderstanding, but more and more i seek to let out those "secrets". i'm finding the release necessary to feel that i'm really presenting myself as who i am, and also necessary towards making strides to becoming the me i am and am meant to be. Often, when we share a hidden part of ourselves, someone else feels the courage to respond with "Me, too!", and instead of feeling alone, you both find common ground and let out a little sigh, thinking, i'm so glad i'm not the only one. By remaining behind the mask, we isolate ourselves. If we are free and open and honest, we make connections.

But let's say you pull aside the veil and someone doesn't like what they see? All you can do is be honest and true to yourself, and if someone has a problem with that, better to find out sooner rather than later.

If more of us let down our guard and shared those things we most fear sharing, i think we'd find we're a lot more alike than we think. We may find common ground with our worst enemies, and maybe, just maybe, a lot more people would feel less like weirdos or freaks or outsiders. A small connection can go a long way towards understanding and compassion, and the world can always use more of both.