P is for purpose, procrastination and power.

Well, i guess O was for a day "off", and also for "on the road again". i had a busy day of packing and traveling yesterday and just couldn't squeeze in a blog post. And yes, today's post is late. Eh, such is life.

So, P. P is for purpose. i'm still fumbling through this life, trying to find what i believe, so i can't say with certainty that i necessarily believe we all were born for a purpose, or if it's all just random chaos. Really, for me, it almost doesn't matter. Either way, i'm not about to sit by and do nothing, so i seek out what i can contribute to not only my own life, but also the lives of those i love. i need a goal, a purpose, a project every day, or i'll go crazy. i need purpose, whether that means making art or cooking dinner, or, in looking at the bigger picture, someday teaching art workshops or writing a book. Purpose helps me take that next step. With a goal or deadline in sight, i do my best work. And as far as my greater purpose, some notion of why i was born (random chaos?), i just hope that i make better the lives of those around me, and that i'll be remembered as a kind and true friend, a loving and thoughtful mate and most importantly, a good mom.

Once i realize my purpose, or set a goal, there comes procrastination. Oh, my old friend procrast. Always there, keeping me lulled until the 11th hour when i then meet up with my old friend frenzy and make a mad rush to reach the finish line. i'm really adept at putting things off. As much as i love working on projects, i somehow manage to hem and haw my way there, doing "research" or reading up on new techniques before diving into the actual project itself. i have no idea why i do this; it doesn't make sense. But i'm working on it, sort of. i might work on it tomorrow, or this weekend...

Ok, so i have purpose, i'm working on the procrastination issue, so that means the next step is taking back my power. We give our power away all the time, every day, to each other, to the government, to society's expectations... Hell, sometimes we just refuse to claim it in the first place. i'm not talking about having power over others, i'm talking about the power and energy inside us all, the courage and determination and strength that makes up that part of us that keeps us strong. Claim your power, and try your best, hard as it is, to not give it away. And always use your power for good, that's important.