Ancient fish carving and wallowing in the mire

i have been working lately, but things are moving slowly. i don't know what's wrong with my creativity, but it's as if i can't count on my muses, as if i've lost some of my mojo. Artistically, 2010 was a full year for me, laden with discovery about myself as an artist, my style and my process. There was a distinct point in the spring where the ideas were pouring out of me, and i remember thinking, This is it! This is my voice! i may never be without an idea again! And really, right now, it's not a lack of ideas that's the problem, it's the implementation of said ideas. i sit down to work and everything feels wrong. i struggle with things that should be easy. i find myself stepping away from my studio after only a few minutes, and finding some other outlet, but this is eating up precious time i could be creating!

i am frustrated because i can't find the source of my frustration. i am struggling and i don't know why...

But, like i said, i am working. Every few days or maybe once a week i manage to create something i feel good or even great about, something i'm proud of, but this is not the norm unfortunately.

i know this is a phase. i know this too shall pass, but right now that doesn't make me feel much better.

These images show one of the few projects that wasn't a struggle recently. i carved the fish image (a depiction of ancient Mexican art) for an ATC swap with the theme of "ancient". This stamp is one of my favorite carvings that i've done to date. i have ideas for a series of carvings with a similar theme.

Included in each partners' swap (there were 2 partners total) was the ATC featured in the first two photos, the bookmark you see in photo one (i love how that turned out - has a batik feel to it) and the card shown above. For the card, i used my Liquitex inks and they did the job quite nicely.

So, for now, i'm going to keep plowing through. i've been here before, in the artistic muck, and i'll be here again. i will break out of this, i just hope it happens soon.

Page after page.

The journal has always been there. It is a constant, and has been since i was maybe 9 years old. Early on, it was the written word only, page after page in spiral notebooks, the same type of notebook i used for class. Later i added doodles or the occasional photograph, pasted in with rubber cement, which by the way is terrible for posterity. Photos and ephemera fall out of those old journals where i exclusively used rubber cement. (Live and learn.) Then i stopped using notebooks and gravitated towards hard cover, decorated journals. Sometimes i make my own books. Doodles and photos evolved into painted and collaged pages. Soon anything i could glue or attach to my journal was fair game.

My journal can be whatever i want it to be. i can share it with everyone or no one. i can be as open and honest as i want. i can be fully me.

Currently i'm working between two journals, one a Hand Book and the other a Strathmore Field Watercolor Sketch Book. The former doesn't have a single blank page left, so now i'm adding bits and pieces to pages, painting over pages i don't like and journaling on completed pages. The Watercolor Sketch Book is newer and has several blank pages left, though maybe not for long...

When once my journals contained pages and pages of mostly words with little artwork, the opposite is now the norm. It's harder these days to find the words, but the visual pours out onto the pages. What i want to say these days i can't find words to express, so i let the art speak for me.

i need this - a place to make art just for me, a place to record the moments in life that may be forgotten a few years from now. i find peace between these covers.