Resolute.

i never make New Year's resolutions. Maybe i made a few a long time ago, i don't remember, but i just don't do it. i think it's because i strive (without always succeeding) to work on myself and set goals on a regular basis, not based on a date on a calendar. A fresh start can happen anytime, as necessary.


Having said that, i was thinking of resolutions today, and how most often, people's resolutions fall into similar categories:


* weight loss/diet/health
* job-related/financial success and well-being
* personal emotional improvement/changing bad habits
* personal goals for "more" - do more, make more, travel more, etc.


i'm sure there's more, but these were the ones i had in mind. i'd like to point out that i cheer for someone anytime they are trying to improve themselves or better their lives - we are all works in progress. But if i made resolutions, i asked myself, What would they be?


For one, weight loss is not on that list, though clinically, i am overweight, and according to textbooks, possibly "obese" (rolls eyes). Sure, i could stand to lose some weight. i'd probably have more energy (pity on those that know me and know i'm borderline hyper sometimes as it is). i'd find more clothes that fit well and i'd feel better wearing them. i'd probably have more spring in my step and a bit of a self-esteem boost. All good things.


But i know my body. i may be over my "ideal" size, but that size is not a 6, or 8. Or even a 10. As one of my friends said a long time ago, i'm "buxom". i have curves and i will not apologize. i also have a great love of preparing and eating delicious foods, foods my grandmother made, laden with carbs. i have Italian heritage - it would be akin to sacrilege to not partake of pasta. But the key, for me, is i love a variety of foods. A salad of fresh greens is high on the list of favorites, but so is mac and cheese. i love fruits and vegetables, but also most anything pork. i think moderation and variety are ideal. Plus, i make a lot of food homemade, and even if it's loaded with butter, at least there's none of those pesky preservatives or artificial colors and flavors.


So, weight loss would not be on my list. As far as financially, i'd love to have more money. Ofcourse i would! But i have a roof over my head, a fantastic art studio, and though my car is on its way out, there's little else i could ask for. A bigger travel budget would be nice... But i'm good.


Bad habits? Oh, yes. i have a few...and i'll take those one at a time, but they wouldn't really be on my list.


What would be on my list? First and foremost, being a better mom. Parenting is a learning process, and sometimes i joke that i'll have got it halfway figured out, maybe, by the time my son is 18. i want to be the mom my son needs me to be.


Second, pulling out the art that i know is inside me. As creative as i am on a daily basis, i always feel like there's much left unsaid, or unpainted/collaged/created. i may never get it all out, but i damn sure am going to try!


Third, being a kinder, more thoughtful, better person. Try to reign in anger, or expectation, or judgement. Be more self-aware of my effect on others and alter my actions to bring joy and gratitude and not disappointment or hurt.


And fourth, seek to find the joy in everyday, to always see the magic, even in the darkest fog (magic in itself), to live with passion and without restraint (except where it may hurt others), to enjoy this too brief life to the fullest.


i'm going to bundle that list together into one word - resolute. My resolution is to be resolute in who i am, what i believe, what i know to be right and what i hope to achieve in my life.


Thanks for listening. And happy new year's!