Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Reclaiming the magic.

Remember when you were young and you felt the world was full of possibility? You hadn't yet been jaded or had your heart broken or saw what horrors people could inflict upon one another. Your entire life lay out before you, brimming with potential. There existed a certain feeling inside you, hard to describe, but it was there. You heard a favorite song or read a wonderful book and you could feel it. You could sense it in the change of seasons, smell it in the air when summer turned to autumn. It's a feeling that's hard to pin down with language, but i refer to it as magic. That's how it felt, as if there were magic all around me, inside me, and anything was possible.

i lived with this feeling up into my early 20's, and then one day i realized i had lost it. i struggled with depression for a long time, and wondered if the path i had chosen (or had chosen me) was the right one. i adore my family, but i worried all i would ever be was a wife, a mom, a housekeeper. Being a mom is a great joy in my life and something i cherish, but i feared i had put aside my own dreams to raise a family. i had aspirations to be a travel photographer, an archeologist, a writer. i didn't want to be famous (i don't like the spotlight on me), i just wanted to act on my passions and make them into a career. i wanted to see the world and discover different cultures, meet new people, take amazing photographs, write the stories that were in my head. i doubted that these dreams would ever come to fruition, and i felt trapped.

And then one day, i was working on a piece; i don't even remember what it was, but everything was flowing just right, i was in the zone and i felt giddy. And it hit me, here it is, here's the magic, it's back! It was there all along really, in my son's laugh, in the winter sunrise, in my true love's face when he smiled at me that certain way, in the first blossoms of spring...it was all around me, i just wasn't paying attention. But art helped me see it again, feel it again. Some days it's only a low hum underneath the daily obstacles in life - the bill paying, housework, grocery shopping - and other days it's a chorus. The quickest way to tap into it, for me, is through art. In art i can create my own playground, fulfill my own dreams, craft my own little bits of magic. It can be whatever i mold it to be, whatever i dream up. And it's always there, waiting for me to fulfill its potential. Art is part therapy for me; without it i would be lost.

i think we are all trying to reclaim the magic we felt as a child. We do a lot of what we do just to have that feeling again, to feel free and excited about what's to come, what lay ahead, to feel like anything is possible and all our dreams will come true. So today i urge you to tap into that magic - make art, or listen to a song you loved when you were young, or re-read a favorite book, or go outside and watch the clouds, or sit down with your child and fingerpaint, or take a leisurely drive down a road you've never been on. Because what is life without magic, without joy? Open yourself up to the magic and i promise you'll see the world in a whole new way. And if you already have, hold tight; don't let anyone or anything steal that feeling from you. Keep it going and spread it around. Because the world could use a lot more magic.


  1. I've tried. Oh goddess I've tried to get that magic back. I know exactly when I lost it...but I can't reclaim it no matter what I do.

  2. Yes, you can! It's hard sometimes...but it can be done!

  3. I have that magic, but I never quite saw it in the light you just shined.

    Dana, I agree with Jess. It's still there. I've seen it in your eyes and in your work and in your words. You just need a retreat... some relaxation... a freekin' break.

  4. sweetie, the loss of joy and smiles i my life are them main reason i came out. after 45 years of being someones, mom, wife,grandma, i realized that i couldnt remember feeling happy. the joy had been sucked out of me being there for everyone else and doing what was expected of me. the second the very second i saw shes eyes i felt that flutter i hadnt felt in years. the more i got to know her and see that after all shed gone through, she still found joy.joy in the toy from a happy meal{i share that one lol} joy from just being quiet together.ill always be grateful to her for bringing joy back into my life.i guess thats why im so laid back, i want to enjoy every second that life gives me. thrift store shopping with whoever, listening to zachs take on life, or watching jade getting ready to make a huge change in her life. i say go for whatever it is that gives you joy and also peace. i love you and wish we were closer, i feel our tribe is spread out to much lol. we do have our pow-wows lol. were going to be by ourselves this holiday season, but were both excited and giddy.i tell kristi that when you feel happy youll attract happy people.i had to find myself before i could find the right one. love you guys

  5. Beautiful post. My magic is still alive, although sometimes it does like to bury itself beneath the duties of school and being a mother and just living life. So thanks for the reminder :)